For the people who love you

A substantial number of the people who reach this section are not survivors. They are partners, friends, parents and adult children who want to help and do not know how.

What helps


Believe them the first time

Most people testing whether it is safe to say more are watching what you do with the first sentence.

Ask what happened, not what is wrong

The difference between these two questions is the whole field.

Do not try to fix it

You are not the solution. You are the evidence that telling someone was survivable.

And what to avoid


Do not push disclosure

They do not owe you the story, and premature telling can set them back.

Stay afterwards

The person still there next week matters more than anything said in the moment.

Look after yourself too

Supporting someone through this is hard work. You are allowed to need support of your own.

Survivors: you are welcome to send this page instead of having to explain yourself.